Okay versus bad

Life got hectic again. Too many responsibilities. Too many messes to clean up. Too much baggage to take out to the dumpster.

I am trying.

This in itself is nothing short of a miracle.

I am trying.

I will not pull away.

I will not push you away.

I am trying.

Please don’t push me away.

I live in a state of okay. I don’t know the last time in my life where I can honestly say that I was happy. I have ups and downs but the ups aren’t happiness. The ups are held together solely of routine and acceptance.

Wake up. Go to work. Work out. Eat. Sleep . Repeat. Day after day after day.

Until the routine isn’t enough anymore and the down hits.

The lows are low but I fight them because crying, sadness, and depression all equal to weakness. I can’t be weak. I refuse to be weak. I am not pitiable. I am strength to a fault. I keep going until I physically can’t anymore but even then…

I have to keep moving because what good will it do to lay down and die?

I’m fighting a low and trying to get back to okay. I think that’s really all life is. Being okay for as long as you can and then faking it through the bad until either you bounce back or snap.

I am trying.

I will be okay.

That’s all there is.


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